It’s now Tuesday, the better part of a week after the debate debacle Thursday that raised the questions of 1) whether President Joe Biden could be replaced atop the Democratic presidential ticket and 2) who would replace him.
Vice President Kamala Harris would be the obvious choice, except for the fact that she also polls on par with norovirus infection and the AMC Gremlin.
California Gov. Gavin Newsom seems slick as a top surrogate for the president — but “slick” is never an adjective one wants to see attached to a candidate who needs to win states in Heartland America. And then there’s the fact that identity politics types would be furious that the first black woman vice president was being passed over from a white man from the same state.
Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg is another would-be stand-in who has underperformed in his current position.
Both Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama have gotten mentions, a sign that things are really desperate in DNC-ville.
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But hey, what about Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer?
We’ve mostly forgotten about the fact that this was the woman who had some of the strictest COVID-19 lockdown policies in the nation and practically had to deal with a revolt over banning the sale of freaking gardening supplies during the darkest days of 2020.
In a state the Democrats need to win, Whitmer managed to score 54.5 percent in her re-election campaign in 2022. Her rallying cry has been “fix the damn roads,” which sounds positively pragmatic as Democrats go these days.
And, as if on cue, Whitmer caused the internet to cringe with her latest attempt to get those damned roads fixed: “#HotInfrastructureSummer.”
Will Gretchen Whitmer replace Joe Biden?
For those of you who have been unplugged from this aspect of popular culture over the past decade or so — and I don’t blame you, believe you me — the hashtag takes its name from “Hot Girl Summer,” a 2019 single by Megan Thee Stallion and Nikki Minaj in which the protagonists meditate on the empowering nature of basically rutting with every attractive male who moves.
Given that there’s literally no verse in the song that can be reproduced here with fewer asterisks than Lance Armstrong’s career cycling record, I’d just suggest trusting me that Misses Thee Stallion and Minaj failed to capture the powerful message of Betty Friedan’s “The Feminine Mystique” in their work.
But, hey, governors pretending to be cool can use the song’s catchphrase, to assure Michiganders that “everyone knows that strong, reliable infrastructure is real hot girl sh**” in a Monday post on X.
“Michigan! We’re turning up the heat with some serious infrastructure projects,” Whitmer said over a beat so weak it couldn’t enliven the lunchtime atmosphere at a Panera.
“This season, we’re taking our commitment to fixing the damn roads, pipes, bridges and everything in between to the next level,” she continued, adding that “we’re bringin’ the heat and making sure Michigan’s infrastructure is built to last.”
“Stay tuned and stay excited!” the governor concluded. “Hot infrastructure summer is here, and we’re just getting started.”
#HotInfrastructureSummer is here, and everyone knows that strong, reliable infrastructure is real hot girl sh- 🔥 pic.twitter.com/WxoFV6Tjk5
— Governor Gretchen Whitmer (@GovWhitmer) July 1, 2024
This paid political ad has been brought to you by the folks at the Kamala, Gavin and Pete Don’t Want To Get Passed Over 2024 Super PAC.
Christina Pushaw, best known for her work with Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis’ team both in the state and in the 2024 presidential election, may have put it best.
“This is the purest distillation of cringe I’ve ever seen on this app — and that’s saying something,” she said.
This is the purest distillation of cringe I’ve ever seen on this app — and that’s saying something
— Christina Pushaw 🐊 🇺🇸 (@ChristinaPushaw) July 2, 2024
Nor was she alone:
cringe
— CaptainJup (@JupiterCaptainn) July 1, 2024
You’re like that annoyingly cringe teacher that used to try making learning cool, and insisted you called them by their Christian name pic.twitter.com/nGzXl8GAcb
— @stevenvoiceover (@stevenvoiceover) July 2, 2024
Cringe 😬
— Lance (@Frost3030) July 1, 2024
I am impressed by this hip and relateable video and now not only support your hot infrastructure projects but also want you to replace Biden
— Brad Pearce (@WaywardRabbler) July 2, 2024
For those of you who have been insisting that Kamala Harris is playing out Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ role on “Veep” in real life, please do remember that no shortage of articles over the past few days have mentioned this woman as being an artful swap for Biden atop the Democratic ticket.
Cringier things, sadly, are out there and being mentioned as potential Democratic nominees.
Yes, Whitmer obviously has national ambitions, ambitions I hope she never realizes for obvious political reasons. However, those ambitions were four years in the future — and now, thanks to a cringeworthy debate, she’s being mentioned as a credible Democratic standard bearer without anyone really asking themselves whether she’d be cringeworthy herself without the years of preparation running for president involves.
Well, now you have your answer, thanks to #HotInfrastructureSummer. Next?
